The question has been asked on occasion, “what kind of safety measures are taken for sessions?” Thankfully, due to the nature of PleasureTorture sessions, there are very few issues that can arise – no intense bdsm style play or any risky restraints. However, as with anything, there are certainly safety measures and procedures in place to make sure that the fun can be enjoyed in comfort and security. Hopefully some of this information may help others as well who are hoping to explore the world of light bondage, edging and forced orgasms.
Firstly – trusting the person you are playing with. Never share your night with somebody who does not care about your day. Whenever a session is planned, first we speak plenty beforehand. Often this may involve video chatting online as well as online teasing sessions. This gives a good chance to get to know the person (as well as what they enjoy the most out of sessions involving teasing, edging etc.), and become familiar with them. Even when things progress to meeting in person, meeting in a public place first to just have a coffee/lunch/drink and a chat is a nice way to assess how comfortable you feel around the person. If anything ever feels off, go with your gut instinct. It never matters what the reason is for someone having to cancel a session, the priority is that all parties are content with the situation. Overall, the person who is going to be the one being restrained (or simply on the receiving end of being teased and played with) is the one in charge, the one in control of what can go ahead and when things can move forward. If ever someone tries to guilt or push another into something, they have instantly proven that they only care about their own desires and should not be trusted with another’s safety. Make sure that before anything physically begins, that you have set a clear understanding of what is to be expected – no surprises.
Always inform someone where you are going and who you are planning on meeting. Every time a PleasureTorture session is performed, I provide all of my own contact details, but most importantly, the time and exact location (typically hotel address and room number) of the session. I also recommend that the person sets up a contact whereby they give a time frame of the meeting and then have a time set where they will call afterwards to let them know that all is fine. The reason for all of these little procedures before the session even takes place is because one can only truly enjoy themselves when comfort, safety and security are prioritised – if someone is not completely feeling secure with the session, it is better for it to not take place. Some nerves are to be expected of course, but knowing that somebody is doing all they can to help is a way to get a better understanding that their focus is on your own enjoyment.
Always have a safeword. Even though PleasureTorture sessions involve no pain or distressing predicaments, a safeword is always set up so that the other person has a means of stopping the session for any reason at all. Particularly with the forced orgasms that follow the teasing and denial, the words ‘no’ and ‘stop’ get brought up a lot without them truly wanting the sensations to cease. Due to this, it is wise to have a word in place that the person knows can be used which is completely separated from the state of play. To keep things simple, I simply often use the word ‘safeword’ – though it’s whatever is easiest and preferable. If a ball-gag is ever used (I do not, I prefer to hear the moans and responses clearly), make sure a safeword or signal is put in place that can be easily communicated without the gag being an issue. The safeword being uttered or signalled is the moment when all play is stopped no matter what. Due to the style of play, it is very rare for PleasureTorture sessions to have the safeword be used for anything other than over-stimulation through forced orgasms; though it is peace of mind for all parties to know that there is any easy way to signal that play needs to be halted for whatever reason, without there being an issue of miscommunication. As the person being restrained/dominated/teased etc. – whether it is any discomfort, anything hurts, you are concerned about anything or simply have a change of mind about anything, use your safeword… you are the one in control of the session. If someone else is in control of your pleasure/sensations/predicament – you are the one in control of the session itself.
Take notice of the person you are playing with – your attentiveness is attractive, it is the sensual bond and it is what can also be a great source of arousal for that person. I personally do not like the labels of ‘dom’ and ‘sub’ etc. because of many connotations with it (I prefer to simply focus on the exploration of pleasure), but to put things most simply, I consider a true ‘dom’ to be someone who is adept at reading someone and knowing how to use those signals to maintain and elevate their arousal. By keeping your focus on the ‘subs’ reactions – their pitch of voice, their movements, their expressions – it is easier to gauge what they enjoy most. It may sound obvious, but so often it can be easy to focus so much on what you are doing, you lose sight of what the other person wants.
If you use restraints, make sure to test them with the person beforehand, checking that they are comfortable with what you are about to use. I personally prefer Velcro straps and buckles as opposed to rope. I prefer this because it I always want the person to be able to escape if they absolutely had to. While they may feel completely helpless while I am teasing and tormenting them with pleasure, I like those who I play with to know that, if I disappeared, they would be able to remove themselves from the bondage. For those who prefer to use rope, always make sure that the restraints are not too tight, and to check in with the other person throughout the session and make sure that they have not lost any feeling in the areas which have been bound.
Go over a little walk-through of the session beforehand – setting up the positioning of the restraints, having them look over the toys etc. that are to be used. Not only is it a nice way of making them feel comfortable with what to expect, it’s also a means of getting the imagination racing a little, having them fantasise about what is to come.
Always have water nearby as well as towels for afterwards. But most importantly for afterwards, is being present yourself. Simply being there, checking in with the person and talking about the session itself is just as important as everything that has happened beforehand. Some sessions may cause the person to enter ‘subspace’ – they may be quite unresponsive but do not panic, this can happen after intense sessions. Just cuddle with them and let them know that you are there and you are present.
Overall though, have fun… the interesting thing is that the more safety measures put in place and the more care taken with others, the more enjoyment you can have. Safewords, procedures and methods of communication are all a means to make sure that when the session itself takes place, your focus can be solely about how you are bringing the other person’s body and mind to new heights of stimulation.
Content created by: PleasureTorture